Have you ever felt like you’ve reached a place in your struggle where you’ve felt you’re better and then out of nowhere something hits and you’re emotionally spiraling?

That’s how the past three weeks were for me. It’s been several months of doing really well and then out of nowhere came a trigger and I was completely unprepared for how reactive I would be. Once it hit, I was filled with anxiety and I was super sensitive which ultimately led me to be vulnerable to another triggering event, so two triggering events in a three week period after several months of stability. It was extremely tough and emotionally painful and a reminder that this is an ongoing battle.

Today is the first day I feel like the panic of all that has decreased and my emotions have stabilized. Yesterday I went through the emotions of feeling defeated and hopeless in my fight. When I get triggered and emotionally spiral, I generally go through a period of shame where I feel defeated that I let myself get so emotional and where I feel I’m defective for having been so reactive.

I had to come to a place of realizing I still have work to be done, and also I’ve had to stop blaming myself as this isn’t a choice to have a trigger and react. The self-defeating emotions that follow being triggered are completely out of my control.

Sometimes we just have to give ourselves grace. Hitting a bump in the road on this journey doesn’t mean we’ve lost the fight or been defeated; it just means God has more work to do in us. This recent struggle has also reminded me that I need to be intentional in prayer each day, to put on the full armor of God and go into the day prepared for whatever I may face.

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Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

All scriptures from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 or New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson or The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.